{tell me i'll never be good enough}

don't wake me up if i'm sleeping this life away,
tell me i'll never be good enough.
sometimes it hurts to think it could really be that way...

it won't be that way.


i need to explain some things.

life has thrown a lot of sh*t my way these past few weeks, and my anxiety about beginning high school doesn't make it any easier. however, that doesn't make my behavior acceptable.

i'm sorry for how i reacted to losing four followers in a few hours because of that questionable post. i really am. it made me seem self centered, passive aggressive, and ungrateful...like all i cared about was the numbers. i won't lie about how it felt/feels, though, because quite frankly, it hurt. it really hurt. believe it or not, i put a heck of a lot of time, effort, and money into this blog, and to see that people just don't care made me upset. no one ever loses that many followers that quickly in this community, a community where it seems as though everyone loves everyone back and are always kind. but that doesn't justify how i handled the situation. neither does how i've been feeling lately/the slump i've been in, so don't think i'm trying to do just that when explaining.

as you probably know, i'm extremely hard on myself about everything. if i don't achieve a certain goal of mine/don't do something as well as i think i could've, i beat myself up over it (mentally, of course—i have never, ever physically hurt myself on purpose, and i don't want you think i do). i'm extremely sensitive and can't handle being yelled at, and, well...things happen, you know? things you can't control, but those things are big things that are difficult to cope with. and i don't know about you, but i always pin the blame on me even if i didn't do anything wrong—like i could've done something to stop it.

i made my blog private for a little over a day for a few reasons. the first one is a bit full-of-it, but i wanted to see who would actually care/notice if i left. the answer was three people, excluding the one or two people that i gave a heads up to. i just want to say thank you to those three people, because it really means a lot that you would go so far as to shoot me an email or drop a comment on another blog of mine. <3 the second reason was a test for myself—to see if i could make it without blogging/having my blog. the answer to that one is not really, but i could if i had to. this upcoming school year is going to be crazy for me, and my blog isn't going to be a top priority. school comes first, then friends, then blogging. it pains me to say that posts will dwindle down to only a few a month, but it's what's going to have to happen. the third and final reason, though it might fall under the second reason, was because everything is so freaking crazy right now and i really just couldn't stand to deal with anyone or anything.

in the long run, what i'm trying to say is that i have a lot on my plate, and it's really overwhelming. it caused me to act in a totally unacceptable manor, and for that i felt the strong need to apologize. i also feel that you need to know what's going on in my life right now, because you deserve to know what's going on. at least a vague idea of it, anyway. but yeah. my life is tough right now. life's an unfair game to play, it really is.



{oh, we're still so young}

swear to shake it up if you swear to listen,
oh, we're still so young—desperate for attention.
i aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives.


dear two three four people that unfollowed because of my last post,
thank you. thanks for just doing what you wanted to do without spewing crap in the comments. :3 now granted, i'm back where i started and i swear to god i will never be able to have that giveaway*, but thank you for doing what i want people like you to do.

ANYWAYS this picture isn't super artistic, creative, etc., etc., but that just means the window of meanings has opened wider. what do you think emerson is "thinking"?


*i don't think you guys understand—my parents won't let me hold a giveaway until i reach a certain amount of followers (in this case, 100). i wish i could hold one now but i just don't have permission. i hope you understand. </3


{and as the sun went down}

and as the sun went down,
we ended up on the ground.
i heard the trains shake the windows,
you screamed over the sound.
and as we own this night,
i put your body to the test with mine.
this love was out of control—
3, 2, 1,

where did it go?


sorry this could be seen as inappropriate to some readers. if you don't want to look at my dolls in a bed then that's your choice, i don't have a problem with it. :) 

btw just to clear up any potential confusion, when i use my dolls as "couples", if you will, in a shoot, it's just for the shoot. none of my dolls are "in a relationship" or anything. sure, emerson is bisexual, but she doesn't currently have feelings for anyone (boy or girl), and the rest of the crew is straight. :}

on another note, watermelon is great. so is cool whip. what's your favorite summertime snack? bc mine's watermelon and cool whip. yummmmm.



something i owe you lads


this is something i owe you guys, and have for a while now.

yes, it's a full on photoshoot—in color, multiple photos (24, to be exact), and no lyrical caption. it's what a lot of you like better (you don't even have to say anything, i know the majority of you prefer literal photo shoots), and even though i'm really not into this type of photography and hate the fact that these photos mean nothing besides "maddie went to a local park and got a sh*tload of weird looks", i still decided that today, the first day i don't have band, i would go over to a park and take some photos. again, i owe you, i really do. you're all dears and leave the sweetest comments. i know having all those scheduled posts wasn't really the greatest for you all, although they're actually some of my absolute favorites. regardless, i really hope you like these photos. :) also a special thanks to my dad for driving me to the park and helping me with certain setups. <3 stay sassy.



{a handful of moments}

my ship went down in a sea of sound,
when i woke up alone i had everything:
a handful of moments i wish i could change,
and a tongue like a nightmare that cuts like a blade.

in a city of fools,
i was careful and cool,
but they tore me apart like a hurricane.
a handful of moments i wish i could change,
but i was carried away.


hello from emerson and i. ^-^ what are you up to this weekend? let me know in a comment. :)



{love like a tidal wave}

make me a promise here tonight,
love like a tidal wave.
dreamless in early graves.
i never want it to be this way.
the chemicals will bring you home again.
this is it, when it's done we can say that
when it's sudden death we fight back.


i've been really into editing photos lately, but not the way people usually do—i mean i've been really into making photos like the one above. how do you guys like to edit your photos, if you do?



{enough's enough}

please won't you push me for the last time?
let's scream until there's nothing left,
so sick of waiting, i don't want this anymore.
the thought of you's no f*cking fun,
you want a martyr, i'll be one.
because enough's enough, we're done.

you told me think about it,
well i did.
now i don't wanna feel a thing anymore,
i'm tired of begging for the things that i want.
i'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor.


heeeello there. :) how are you today?



{kids in the dark}

they left us alone,
the kids in the dark.
to burn out forever,
or light up a spark.
we come together,
state of the art.
we'll never surrender,
the kids in the dark,
so let the world sing—
"what a shame,
what a shame,
beautiful scars on
critical veins."
come together,
state of the art.
we'll never surrender,
the kids in the dark.

the kids in the dark.


scheduled the day after a post to make it feel more...real. ;)

i'm in the mood to hear your thoughts, so in a comment, tell me one thing you like about my blog and one thing you dislike/think i could improve upon. be honest. :} just don't say things like "i don't like the way you talk on here" because i'm not changing myself for you, but i will happily change my posting schedule to mold into what you guys would like. :3

see ya in a few days. :)



{harlequin girl}

let's get these teen hearts beating.
faster, faster.
so testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?
so testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

so i guess we're back to us,
oh, cameraman, swing the focus.
in case i lost my train of thought
where was it that we last left off?


eat some pretzels, lay in bed, and go listen to some good music for me. :3



{scream in the dark}

burst into flames,
scream in the dark.
i'm gonna light up this place,
and die in beautiful stars

does it even make a difference?
when i'm sober i feel pain.
as we run under the stars
through cemetery backyards,
celebrate the way the night hides scars.


i hope you're all having a fantastic week. ^-^ stay sweet, my lovely flamingos.




true friends lie underneath,
the witty words i don't believe.
i can't believe a damn thing they say anymore.

lie, lie, liar,
liar you'll pay for your sins.

lie, lie, liar,
liar you'll pay for your sins.

so tell me, how does it feel?
how does it feel to be like you?
i think your mouth should be quiet
'cause it never tells the truth now.
so tell me, so tell me why?
why does it have to be this way?
why can't things ever change?


hey guys. :) just a fair warning, the next two weeks are extremely busy for me. tuesday through friday i have marching band practices from 8-12:30, and then the following week monday through friday i have marching band practices 8-7:30 (that week i'll be putting in 11 and a half our days. >.<). having said that, i won't have the time nor energy needed to post, so i have posts scheduled for every three or so days to keep you guys happy. <3 i apologize in advance, for they're all simple photo-and-lyric posts, but at least it's something, right? i should have a "what i'v been sewing" episode up once band camp is done, though. :)

thanks for reading and being amazing, mates. oh, and thanks for 90 followers. ^-^ 10 more until a giveaway! can we reach 100 by new years? we'll see...



diy graphic tees | NO TRANSFER PAPER (yay)

hey guys, long time no diy, eh? today i'm gonna show you all an easy and cheap way to make a custom graphic tee shirt for your dolls. i really hope you like it, and if you try it out yourself, feel free to let me know what you made and shoot me an email with a photo. ;) without further ado, let's get started!


what you need:

1.) a fine point pen or marker. i suggest using a pen like shown above (i took it from my mom's office at work, but she bought them at the dollar store in bulk for a program she was doing, so you can find them there in two-packs, i believe) because unlike fabric markers and sharpies, they don't bleed when you draw on fabric, so the end result is more aesthetically pleasing. of course, it's up to you, though.

2.) a doll tee shirt. i made mine with a custom pattern so the overall design would resemble a shirt i have for myself (pictured below), but you can easily make your own with the free tee shirt pattern available here, or just use a plain tee shirt from american girl or another doll clothes company (such as springfield and our generation).

3.) this is optional, but if you're making a doll shirt that matches one of your own, i highly suggest having your shirt close by for design reference. for this tutorial, i'm using a sleeping with sirens shirt that i purchased at hot topic.

**something else you should have handy is a piece of scrap paper, as the pen/marker will bleed through the shirt during the drawing process, so unless you are willing to mark up your work surface, i recommend you lay your shirt on top of the paper**


1.) lay your shirt out flat on the piece of paper, making sure that it is not closed in the back. if your shirt does not have velcro, then slip a piece of cardboard into the shirt so you have a hard surface to work on.

2.) lightly sketch out your design in pencil, then go over it in the pen/marker.

3.) fill in your design (if you want to, of course), and you're done!


again, i really hope you all enjoyed this tutorial. :) emerson loves her new shirt, and i know your doll would, too. ;) this process also works on beanies (i made a 5sos beanie for the girls...well, remade one, rather) made with a stretch-knit fabric like the one emerson is wearing in the photos above. i'm not sure about other things, but i'm sure that as long as it's made with this type of fabric, it'll work. thanks for reading. :)



what i've been sewing | episode two

the first item is this hat. i made the pattern from scratch and am quite happy with the turnout. :)

the second item is this gray and black ringer tee. this was made with my own pattern as well.

the third item is this pair of dark-wash skinny jeans.
i recently modified my pattern and this is how they ended up looking. :)
this was yet again made with my own pattern that was made from scratch.

and the final (and probably my most favorite) item is this duality muscle tank for emerson. :)
for those of you who don't know, duality is one of set it off's albums. (and their most recent, at that.)

the graphics were hand-drawn by me, in case you were wondering. ;)


hope you guys enjoyed! i'm currently working on some more band shirts for my girls (mainly emerson). next up on the chopping block is a red "kick me" sleeping with sirens tee (i bought one for me today at hot topic) and a panic! at the disco shirt. probably a few beanies too. oh yeah, and a gray 5sos pullover. if you guys sew for your dolls, what have you been working on?

thanks for reading, see ya soon. :3